My approach to couples counseling

I have been providing couples counseling for more than fifteen years, and have studied various treatment approaches throughout my training in acquiring a Ph.D. in psychology and in my additional years of studying psychotherapeutic techniques. Over that time I have been constantly monitoring my results—what approaches worked well and which ones were not as useful. From those observations and experiences, I have distilled my own blend of couples counseling, with my guiding principle being effectiveness.

I found that providing behavioral techniques—for instance, helping couples change the ways they communicate or compromise—were often necessary. However, these strategies were just not enough by themselves to bring about enduring improvements in the relationship. Once I began focusing more on exploring each individual partner's earlier life experiences (what I call their backstory), I found that the couple's therapy became much more productive. We all have our backstories, and these may lead us to develop emotional patterns that we ultimately bring into our relationships (often unintentionally).  These emotional patterns can cause conflict and distance for the couple.

I have also found that  the best couples therapy “techniques” or “exercises” can be easily thwarted by one’s underlying emotional patterns. When those individual patterns, formed by past experiences, are affecting the relationship, it is necessary to address them in order to facilitate healing.

I provide both members of the couple with direct feedback and suggestions on how to make productive changes to the relationship.  But I assure you that these suggestions will be based on a thorough understanding of who each of you are as individuals, within the context of your unique “backstory” and resulting emotional patterns. From this informed perspective, you can make lasting, effective improvements to your relationship and lead a much more fulfilling life.

For the details of my educational background, see the About Me page.